Nuclear Proliferation is Scary – Cats aren’t
Cloud creators from four countries are working with a renowned undergraduate from Liberty University – who is studying Radio and Active Falling Clouds – in hopes of creating a new type of radioactive mushroom cloud. The group spent most of the first year weighing the pros and cons of various animal shaped clouds before settling on the domestic cat. Beeargh, the leader of the working group said, “the biggest obstacle was deciding whether it was more important to make the cloud appear as an emoji – basic outline with eyes, nose, ears and whiskers, maybe a body, maybe a tail, unless we chose a Bobtail, that would be a far more difficult prototype – or if we wanted to focus on a specific breed – Norwegian Forest Cat, Canadian Sphynx, Siberian Forest Cat, Egyptian Mau, Maine Coon, etc. In the end, we figured that a more generic cat cloud would eliminate the possibility of entire nation’s/region’s being labeled as ‘Pro Nuke’ or ‘Anti-Mushroom Cloud’, and that was a really important piece of the larger discussion”.
Having the Right Stuff to be a Cloud Creator
Malackhi, the 20 year-old Liberty student heading up the AI word processing language matrix is still kind of shocked by being picked for this mission (code-name: Operation Nukem-Kitty). He said, I realize that my qualifications were over and above the stated job requirements: ‘White; Male; Conservative; Born Again, Again; Enjoys Looking at Clouds; Alpha-Alpha; Speaks Using Tongue and mandible; Signed Virginity Pledge; Signed Tax-Evasion Pledge; Signed J-6 Innocence Project Pledge; Defender of Evangelical Rights and Wrongs; In Possession of No Less Than 27 Arms – or 21 Arms & 8 Legs; Fluent in English, God Bless The USA Bible, Hyperbole, Dipshit, and Doublespeak; and Has Demonstrable Experience Using a Fryer and Flat-top Griddle’; but I think what sealed it was my close and personal relationship with Uncle Jerry (Jerry Falwell Jr.). Uncle Jerry takes me to Las Vegas twice a year and we pray over people who are addicted to gambling or drugs or drink or sex or shopping or Boba Tea, or DEI, or pretty much anything that goes against God – we usually pray over 10-20 folks each morning and then retire to the pool for the rest of the day. We need to rest-up before going soul-saving each night. Mostly we’re looking for sinners at The Peppermint Hippo and The Spearmint Rhino and while we don’t always find sinners, we do always have fresh breath”.
Nuclear Cloud Testing Logistics
The team says they are about 2 weeks away from testing their first cloud and that the location cannot be shared as it would ruin the surprise. They want to get people’s honest reactions to a nuclear blast that provides a more pleasing cloud aesthetic. “If we told everyone where we were gonna drop the bomb, there’d be a mad rush to get to the spot so they could take pictures and videos”, Peter of St. Petersburg said – he added, “That would absolutely destroy any credibility offered by a post-mortem of our bi-polar scale survey. We spent a lot of time getting the wording just right so there wouldn’t be any inherent bias for or against mushroom or cat clouds. I mean, if people knew about it and then did the survey, how do you think they’d answer a question like ‘When you first heard the blast, were you scared that you were going to see a mushroom cloud?’. Nobody’d be scared, maybe surprised when it turned out to be a cute cat cloud, but definitely not scared. So we’re keeping the location under lock and key until we get everything set-up.”
Having now dedicated more than 18 months of their lives to this project, the team feels like anything short of perfection is not good enough. Beeargh concluded with this astute observation; “Our nation deserves a better cloud image for future nuke drops. If we expect America to be respected by the rest of the world, we need to soften the edges associated with war and highly enriched uranium. I think a radioactive cat cloud is a good first step in that direction”. The best they can hope for is a highly successful first run. If they don’t get it right, there may not be a 2nd opportunity as all 5 members of the team will be on location to witness the event. Good Luck to all involved and God Speed!