Diamond Lake Creative

Category: Not Necessarily News

  • Things That May Have Happened in Ladysmith, Wisconsin, & If So,How They’d Be Reported in The Police Blotter

    Things That May Have Happened in Ladysmith, Wisconsin, & If So,How They’d Be Reported in The Police Blotter

    Caller stated strange noises coming from neighbors house; Officer dispatched to scene; Neighbors having a party, did not inform nor invite caller

    Cracked CD found on County Rd. M.; Tiffany – Greatest Hits; The owner has not come forward

    IGA parking lot scene of crime spree; 3 youth apprehended in Corbett Lake after dabbing fox urine on passenger seats of 9 vehicles; Charges pending; – 9 vehicles for sale at discounted price

    Local boy drives into river; Mother sees it happen, calls father, then the Sheriff; Father yells at boy while Sheriff fishes him out of the car

    Alley rat not actual rat; Stanley C. reported a rat in the alley behind his home; Stanley’s wife,Elsie, later called and confirmed the animal was a smallish dog with diamond crusted collar; Diamonds were apparently not real

    Tings Bar called to report drunk man playing pool in his underwear; Man refused to put on pants, claimed he was hot; Several patrons got hold of the man and placed him in the bar’s ice-bin and then plugged the jukebox full of quarters and played Foreigner’s Cold As Ice repeatedly until bar close

    Report of goose feces around Corbett Lake confirmed by Deputy – According to citizens in the area this is probably normal goose activity 

    Glen Flora Man shoots tree in self-defense; told Sheriff that the tree dropped limbs on him on purpose & 1 limb nearly broke his leg;
    The tree was examined and cleared for continued growth

    Sheriff’s deputies dispatched to OJ Falge Park after report of several kids dancing on a picnic table; Kids stated they were practicing for the talent show; Deputy unaware of any upcoming talent shows told kids to practice on the ground.

    High School lunch staff reported theft of 10 gallons of ranch dressing; They were set to launch a new lunch menu focused on serving healthier options with more crunch appeal! Carrots with ranch & multigrain tortilla chips served with low-fat turkey con queso (melted cheese combined with milk & butter) should be very popular, said Principal Lee. The department has no leads and is asking for the public’s help in tracking down the ranch. No reward offered, yet.

    Deputy questioned after citizen filed complaint stating responding deputy was humming the Shania Twain song, Any Man of Mine, while investigating the scene of an overturned Wal-Mart truck and trailer. The semi was on it’s way to the Ladysmith Wal-Mart, East-bound (and down) on Hwy. 8 – and in addition to many other goods, Shania Twain’s greatest hits CD’s were strewn about the roadway. The Deputy said he just likes that song.

    Glen Flora bingo game stopped by 6 raccoons looking for a snack. Betty and Erma said they recognized the critters as ones that come by their houses most nights but due to the bingo game going long, the raccoons made their way over to the church and let themselves in. They were given egg salad on rye and pancakes with syrup and were on their way.

    Report of raccoon grazing on raspberries alongside County Rd P.  

    Intoxicated individual drove truck into cornfield so as not to receive DWI for driving while on the roadway. Farmer reports truck belongs to him and the driver was his son-in-law. Farmer stated son-in-law from Iowa and believes that to be a common practice down there

    Ex wife damages spruce trees while backing loaded trailer out of drive. Ex husband reports that he offered to back the trailer but she refused because she didn’t need his help anymore. 

    Report of a wild alligator found swimming in Parker’s Pond. Law enforcement showed up with nets and traps but did not find any alligator. Large wet sheep dog seen running across the field as officers drove away

    Road hazard reported in Jump River by man wearing Waylon Jennings for President hat. When responding officer arrived he found the man singing Pancho and Lefty while sitting on his hood and staring at a large pothole. Officer advised the singer to drive around the pothole.

    911 call received Tuesday night, Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean playing very loud and no one responding to Dispatcher’s questions; after song finished caller told Dispatch they wanted to share that song with the world because it made them feel so good: Dispatch thanked the caller for their thoughtful gesture and assured them it would be mentioned in the police blotter

    Anonymous caller reported 46 vehicles drove by his house; dispatch asked if the cars were doing anything wrong, caller responded that they appeared to be driving the speed limit and that seemed kinda fishy

  • Cat Clouds to Replace Mushroom Clouds

    Cat Clouds to Replace Mushroom Clouds

    Nuclear Proliferation is Scary – Cats aren’t

    Cloud creators from four countries are working with a renowned undergraduate from Liberty University – who is studying Radio and Active Falling Clouds – in hopes of creating a new type of radioactive mushroom cloud. The group spent most of the first year weighing the pros and cons of various animal shaped clouds before settling on the domestic cat. Beeargh, the leader of the working group said, “the biggest obstacle was deciding whether it was more important to make the cloud appear as an emoji – basic outline with eyes, nose, ears and whiskers, maybe a body, maybe a tail, unless we chose a Bobtail, that would be a far more difficult prototype – or if we wanted to focus on a specific breed – Norwegian Forest Cat, Canadian Sphynx, Siberian Forest Cat, Egyptian Mau, Maine Coon, etc. In the end, we figured that a more generic cat cloud would eliminate the possibility of entire nation’s/region’s being labeled as ‘Pro Nuke’ or ‘Anti-Mushroom Cloud’, and that was a really important piece of the larger discussion”.

    Having the Right Stuff to be a Cloud Creator

    Malackhi, the 20 year-old Liberty student heading up the AI word processing language matrix is still kind of shocked by being picked for this mission (code-name: Operation Nukem-Kitty). He said, I realize that my qualifications were over and above the stated job requirements: ‘White; Male; Conservative; Born Again, Again; Enjoys Looking at Clouds; Alpha-Alpha; Speaks Using Tongue and mandible; Signed Virginity Pledge; Signed Tax-Evasion Pledge; Signed J-6 Innocence Project Pledge; Defender of Evangelical Rights and Wrongs; In Possession of No Less Than 27 Arms – or 21 Arms & 8 Legs; Fluent in English, God Bless The USA Bible, Hyperbole, Dipshit, and Doublespeak; and Has Demonstrable Experience Using a Fryer and Flat-top Griddle’; but I think what sealed it was my close and personal relationship with Uncle Jerry (Jerry Falwell Jr.). Uncle Jerry takes me to Las Vegas twice a year and we pray over people who are addicted to gambling or drugs or drink or sex or shopping or Boba Tea, or DEI, or pretty much anything that goes against God – we usually pray over 10-20 folks each morning and then retire to the pool for the rest of the day. We need to rest-up before going soul-saving each night. Mostly we’re looking for sinners at The Peppermint Hippo and The Spearmint Rhino and while we don’t always find sinners, we do always have fresh breath”.

    Nuclear Cloud Testing Logistics

    The team says they are about 2 weeks away from testing their first cloud and that the location cannot be shared as it would ruin the surprise. They want to get people’s honest reactions to a nuclear blast that provides a more pleasing cloud aesthetic. “If we told everyone where we were gonna drop the bomb, there’d be a mad rush to get to the spot so they could take pictures and videos”, Peter of St. Petersburg said – he added, “That would absolutely destroy any credibility offered by a post-mortem of our bi-polar scale survey. We spent a lot of time getting the wording just right so there wouldn’t be any inherent bias for or against mushroom or cat clouds. I mean, if people knew about it and then did the survey, how do you think they’d answer a question like ‘When you first heard the blast, were you scared that you were going to see a mushroom cloud?’. Nobody’d be scared, maybe surprised when it turned out to be a cute cat cloud, but definitely not scared. So we’re keeping the location under lock and key until we get everything set-up.”

    Punk Rock Girl - Tortie cat with pink chalk decorating her fur

    Having now dedicated more than 18 months of their lives to this project, the team feels like anything short of perfection is not good enough. Beeargh concluded with this astute observation; “Our nation deserves a better cloud image for future nuke drops. If we expect America to be respected by the rest of the world, we need to soften the edges associated with war and highly enriched uranium. I think a radioactive cat cloud is a good first step in that direction”. The best they can hope for is a highly successful first run. If they don’t get it right, there may not be a 2nd opportunity as all 5 members of the team will be on location to witness the event. Good Luck to all involved and God Speed!